I plan on writing about this topic a bit more extensively on my Occupational Therapy blog in the coming days, but I wanted to share this video with you that we were shown in our Medical Lectures class today.
This is the story of Tyler Genest, a 20-year-old man who lives in Hawaii and was born with Spina Bifida. He explains the basics of this congenital spine condition in the short documentary, and you can find more of his story and his e-mail address on YouTube.
Today I officially broke ground as an occupational therapy fieldwork student. I got placed in pediatrics, which made the transition from educational to clinical much less daunting seeing as I’ve spent the last two years teaching kids’ therapy classes at a pediatric clinic. Been there, done that.
But something funny happened today.
With each kid I observed today, I saw a kid that I’d worked with before – before I moved here – and all the behaviors that went along with it. The bad: the biting, the scratching, the hitting, the stubbornness, the throwing of chairs and of self. The good: the jokes, the drawings, the games, the laughs, the smiles, and the trust. I’ve seen it all before. And every time I saw one of those behaviors occur, I was picturing particular children with whom I’ve experienced those same moments.
After a full three and a half months of being without a job and, more importantly, being without small children to teach, I am finally back in the game.
This past Monday marked the beginning of my employment at a gymnastics center in Pasadena called Club Champion. There I am teaching just four classes per week for little ones between the ages of one to four years old.
I LOVE it.
I can’t imagine my life without kids. I thought maybe I used to say that because I was just always around them, and I literally could not imagine my life without them because they were ALWAYS THERE. At least a hundred of them per week. Never ending. But no, it’s not simply because I could never get away from them. Kids complete me. I have found that, when I’m with kids, they bring out the best in me like nothing else can. I love ‘em.
So even though I’m a little nervous because these particular Pasadena kids are still new to me, I am so grateful to be in their lives. More stories to come, I’m sure.
During my time in Occupational Therapy school, I will have several opportunities to gain skills in many areas of the profession through clinical fieldwork.
Maybe this one?
It’s called “Broken Heart Ministries,” and it’s located in Bucharest, Romania. You can visit the homepage by clicking here. They are a Christ-centered organization with an incredible mission that includes occupational therapy as one of its realms of ministry (which you can read about by clicking here). Reading through their website makes my heart skip a few beats.
This is simply an option to be considered at this point in time. My school only takes 3 students for the 2-week springtime experience, and if student attendance at today’s lunchtime info session is any indication of how many will be applying, there will be a lot of people resorting to their back up plan. There’s no guarantee of who will get selected.
So if you would consider praying for me and Brian as we take this option into consideration, we would appreciate it. This is just the first of many opportunities I am allowed to consider for my 2-week fieldwork in the springtime, and so there are a lot of things to think about. Two weeks is a long time to be away from my husband. And flights to Romania aren’t exactly free. And, of course, maybe I won’t even get selected for it if we decide that it’s something to try for. But, of course, the potential upside to an experience like this seems to be priceless. So we will be praying for wisdom and discernment regarding this coming spring. And we’d love it if you joined us.
Many moons ago, when my husband and I were dating, we went through a classic book together called The Five Love Languages. In brief, the author writes about how we tend to have five “languages” through which we like to receive love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. He also says that we tend to give love in the way that we prefer to receive it. By the time Brian and I finished the book, we learned that my primary love language was acts of service and his was words of affirmation.
This presented a problem for us. I didn’t understand why I should always have to re-affirm my commitment and feelings toward him, and he didn’t see why him doing something like washing the dishes after we made dinner together was such a big deal to me. I worked hard to try and affirm him. Sometimes I had to get creative. But usually, I was stubborn and I didn’t even want to try. It just made no sense to me.
Now that we have moved on to our “new life” – two years of marriage and a life in Ocenside in our rearview mirror – we seem to have finally clicked. Something about being home together more, being stressed out less, and living in a community full of love has brought us to a place where we are finally speaking each other’s love language.
He can’t help but serve me. And I can’t help but affirm him. As I affirm him, he serves me. And as he serves me, I affirm him.
I didn’t believe something like this was real. I honestly kind of thought that it was a bunch of psych mumbo jumbo that the author used to make people feel good and to bring in money. But it has worked for us.
I never thought I would get to this place. I can’t explain it, but I’m here. When I’m around my husband, I can’t help but affirm him. I honestly think that much of the change is attributable to the fact that we are in a new place together, pursuing our goals and trying new things. We’re both starting with blank slates. And along with that, so is our marriage (not that it was bad before, don’t get me wrong). We’re on the same team.
And so, when we’re together, the affirmation just blurts out. Sometimes I can’t even control it. I start to say something, and I don’t even know what I was going to say, just that it was going to be something affirming.
I don’t really know what lesson can be learned from all of this, but just that this is a nice place for us to be going into our third year of marriage.
And I’m so proud of my husband for the work he is doing and the life in which he is leading us.
She’s a 1998 gold Ford Taurus that has been passed around the Kiley family for the past 60,000 miles.
She used to belong to my husband’s uncle’s father. His name was John, and he lived in Oregon. John didn’t drive very much, and so this shiny golden beauty was confined to a garage – or a driveway, or a curb, I’m not really sure – for quite some time.
After surviving her long and lonely hibernation in the great Northwest, Janice somehow made her way down to Northern California. There she had the privilege of chauffering around a young high school boy who recently had acquired a license to drive: Brad Kiley. My husband’s youngest brother. Unfortunately, Janice’s tenure in lovely Northern California came to a rather abrupt halt, and she was whisked away down the coast of the Golden State.
She soon found herself amidst the brakelights and smog of legendary Los Angeles, California. There she met her new owner, Kevin Kiley, the eldest of my husband’s two younger brothers. Kevin and Janice experienced adventures untold as they navigated the streets of Central LA during their time working with Teach For America. Though Janice proved to be sturdy and reliable, she found herself saying goodbye to yet ANOTHER owner as this one galavanted off to the bustling streets of New York City. There’s no room for a car like Janice in a city where parking is a figment of imagination and public transportation abounds.
Janice didn’t give up, though. After a bit of a makeover, she presented herself to her new owners with the hopes that they would want to keep her around for a long, long time.
We did. And that’s how we got Janice.
Even though she is nearly 12 years old, she has only 60,000 miles on her odometer and a few scratches on her rear bumper. She seats five if you want to use your cupholders, six if you fold them under to create a hump seat in the front. She drives like a boat, but turns on a dime. She has automatic power windows, power seats, power locks, and cruise control – an upgrade from my old Hyundai Accent. She has two tailpipes (because, who needs clean air, right?), a 17 gallon tank, and so many stereo buttons that I don’t think I’ll ever figure them out. Oh yeah, and she’s got a tape deck. Pretty sweet.
So, why Janice? you may ask.
Did you ever watch the show Friends? If you did, you know Janice. Janice is always around. She keeps coming back. She has character. She never gets old, and she never ceases to arouse both awe and disdain in the people around her. She’s been around the block, but in the end, she always winds up right next door. She never. goes. away.
That’s Janice.
(Umm, now would be the time to turn down your volume. She can get a little loud and – ohhhh, what’s the word I’m looking forrrr? Annoying. That’s it.)
My Janice has already managed to get us into trouble (parking ticket on her first night – don’t even get me started on how much I already loathed the City of Pasadena Parking Department before then…), but she will have a chance to redeem herself during our OT road trip in a few weeks.
So now you’ve met Janice. And if she ever has the pleasure of chauffering you around for a day, be nice. She’s just happy to be with friends.
Today marks the end of our 2nd year of marriage, and the beginning of what I pray will be many more years to come.
Of all the people in my life who I look up to, you are the one who inspires me the most to become a better person – a better listener, a better friend, a better student, a better disciple of Christ. I never thought I would marry someone who would make me want to be more like him, simply because he wants to be more like God. But I did.
You are amazing and inspiring, Brian Kiley, and every day I am reminded of how blessed I am to have you in my life. I didn’t believe people when they would say, “I love my husband more now than the day that I married him.” How is that possible? But you know what? I understand now. Because each day we get together is another day that gets added to our history. And the more history we create together, the greater love and respect I have for you. You are a precious gift from God, and I am so thankful for you.
I don’t know where the next year will take us. But I know that I want to continue to walk with you, to grow in faith with you by my side. Thank you for overwhelming all the expectations that I had for what I thought marriage could be.
Here is a continuation of the mire thoughts through which I have been wading for the past several days. Try and stay with me, because even though I am taking things to the extreme right now in my process of deciphering how I want to approach my future as a helping professional, I think these are important issues to work through no matter what field you are involved with.
Yesterday, I got hit over the head with this passage from Galatians 1:9-10:
As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
I always thought of “trying to please man” instead of God as something that referred to being a “people-pleaser.” Like, always doing things people asked you to, doing everything you could not to make people mad, or trying to do anything you could to make sure that people liked you. I knew that extreme people-pleasing is bad because then you end up placing your self-worth in your ability to get people to like you by doing things for them, and we all know how that goes (or, at least, I do).
But I’m realizing that that’s not all there is to it.
I think that, in light of this passage, people-pleasing can also mean “trying to please or satisfy people with something other than God.” I mean this in the sense of identity-formation, not in a sense like Oh, you’re hungry? Here’s a sandwich I was going to eat, but you can have it. Go satisfy your hunger. Of course it’s fine to satisfy someone’s physical hunger with “something other than God.” To not do that would be ignorant and wrong. Or here’s another suggested definition which may sound a bit more dramatic. People-pleasing is “seeking people’s approval by not offending them with your belief in God and his ability to bring satisfaction and meaning into people’s lives.” Extreme? Applicable? When we seek to please people by trying to fill them with something other than God (like, Try this lifestyle, maybe it will bring meaning into your life and make you happy and satisfied apart from God.), I believe that’s a type of “different gospel” that the author of Galatians is trying to warn against.
Don’t get me wrong, helping people and meeting their physical needs is a great thing. In fact, Jesus told us to do it when he walked the earth (one reference includes Matthew 25:34-46). But simply “helping people” is not the end goal. That’s not the gospel. There’s more to it than that. We love others and meet their physical needs because it’s an outpouring of the grace and love that God gave us, and because (as mentioned in my previous post) it will ultimately glorify him and point back to his love and greatness. And so, if we as Christians are only helping people to “find meaning” in their lives so that they can feel satisfied with their identity as an end result, we’re missing the point. We’re presenting a false gospel.
So what do we do with this?
As Christian people in a helping profession, there should more to our desire to help people in their physical and emotional needs. We want to help people and bring meaning into their lives so that God can be glorified.
And as recipients of our help, we hope that they can know that there’s more to a joyful and satisfying life than just participating in personally meaningful activities. There’s the saving grace of Jesus.
And so we perhaps need to rethink our ideas of people-pleasing and realize that the desire to meet people’s needs and help them live meaningful lives is not bad – it’s good – but that there’s more to it than simply that. Because when it comes down to it, God is the one who can ultimately satisfy our desires for meaning and purpose. And so if we only ever emphasize bringing meaning into people’s lives through “meaningful occupation,” we are preaching a false gospel, one that excludes Jesus.
But what does that really mean? What does it look like?
Perhaps these suggestions seem extreme and outlandish. But I think these are issues that I personally must work though in order to know exactly why it is that I am working in a helping profession such as occupational therapy. It is not because of my desire to please people. It is because I want the gospel to live through me as I help people who are struggling and, hopefully, it will all point back to God.
This was one of Pastor Mark Brewer’s opening lines at our church this past Sunday, and while he has lots of good one-liners with which he likes to pepper his sermons on a regular basis, for me, this may have been the most profound of his that I have ever heard. (If you read my previous post, then you know the epiphany that I have come to about my recent propensity to confuse occupational therapy values and moralism for the truth of the Gospel. It’s embarrassing, really.)
This is good advice: Be altruistic. Treat people with equality. Embrace people’s freedom. Uphold justice. Treat people with dignity. Be truthful. Act with prudence. (All core values of occupational therapy practice.)
But this is the gospel:
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together in Christ…For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast”(Ephesians 2:4-5, 8-9).
That’s the gospel! If we have been saved from the penalty of our sins through Jesus’ death on the cross, our existence better be about more than just taking good advice and living a good life! It should be about living in response to the grace and love that God has shown us through the sacrifice of his Son – about living as children of God! A visible part of that response includes living out what Colossians 3:12-14 describes as putting on “compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another…forgiving each other…And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Yes, the author (Paul) describes what some would call ‘good morals’ – similar to what is listed in the core values of OT – but that is not the whole story. For as soon as Paul completes his list of what we as disciples of Christ are to “put on,” he immediately adds, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him”(Colossians 3:17).
So whilepart of our response to God’s grace includes living out these things, theentirety of our response should reflect the fact that we have been made to bring glory to our heavenly Father. He loves us and showers us with grace. He longs to have a relationship with us that will then spread to others and ultimately point back to him.
And so, while good advice is not a bad thing, it is not the gospel. And I, in my desire to help people improve their quality of life by entering into the field of occupational therapy, need to continually be reminded of the fact that occupational therapy is good advice. But Jesus is good news.
