Maybe…

During my time in Occupational Therapy school, I will have several opportunities to gain skills in many areas of the profession through clinical fieldwork.

Maybe this one?

It’s called “Broken Heart Ministries,” and it’s located in Bucharest, Romania.  You can visit the homepage by clicking here.  They are a Christ-centered organization with an incredible mission that includes occupational therapy as one of its realms of ministry (which you can read about by clicking here).  Reading through their website makes my heart skip a few beats.

This is simply an option to be considered at this point in time.  My school only takes 3 students for the 2-week springtime experience, and if student attendance at today’s lunchtime info session is any indication of how many will be applying, there will be a lot of people resorting to their back up plan.  There’s no guarantee of who will get selected.

So if you would consider praying for me and Brian as we take this option into consideration, we would appreciate it.  This is just the first of many opportunities I am allowed to consider for my 2-week fieldwork in the springtime, and so there are a lot of things to think about.  Two weeks is a long time to be away from my husband.  And flights to Romania aren’t exactly free.  And, of course, maybe I won’t even get selected for it if we decide that it’s something to try for.  But, of course, the potential upside to an experience like this seems to be priceless.  So we will be praying for wisdom and discernment regarding this coming spring.  And we’d love it if you joined us.

Click.

Many moons ago, when my husband and I were dating, we went through a classic book together called The Five Love Languages.  In brief, the author writes about how we tend to have five “languages” through which we like to receive love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.  He also says that we tend to give love in the way that we prefer to receive it.  By the time Brian and I finished the book, we learned that my primary love language was acts of service and his was words of affirmation.

This presented a problem for us.  I didn’t understand why I should always have to re-affirm my commitment and feelings toward him, and he didn’t see why him doing something like washing the dishes after we made dinner together was such a big deal to me.  I worked hard to try and affirm him.  Sometimes I had to get creative.  But usually, I was stubborn and I didn’t even want to try.  It just made no sense to me.

Now that we have moved on to our “new life” – two years of marriage and a life in Ocenside in our rearview mirror – we seem to have finally clicked.  Something about being home together more, being stressed out less, and living in a community full of love has brought us to a place where we are finally speaking each other’s love language.

He can’t help but serve me.  And I can’t help but affirm him.  As I affirm him, he serves me.  And as he serves me, I affirm him.

I didn’t believe something like this was real.  I honestly kind of thought that it was a bunch of psych mumbo jumbo that the author used to make people feel good and to bring in money.  But it has worked for us.

I never thought I would get to this place.  I can’t explain it, but I’m here.  When I’m around my husband, I can’t help but affirm him.  I honestly think that much of the change is attributable to the fact that we are in a new place together, pursuing our goals and trying new things.  We’re both starting with blank slates.  And along with that, so is our marriage (not that it was bad before, don’t get me wrong).  We’re on the same team.

And so, when we’re together, the affirmation just blurts out.  Sometimes I can’t even control it.  I start to say something, and I don’t even know what I was going to say, just that it was going to be something affirming.

I don’t really know what lesson can be learned from all of this, but just that this is a nice place for us to be going into our third year of marriage.

And I’m so proud of my husband for the work he is doing and the life in which he is leading us.

Meet Janice.

She’s a 1998 gold Ford Taurus that has been passed around the Kiley family for the past 60,000 miles.

She used to belong to my husband’s uncle’s father.  His name was John, and he lived in Oregon.  John didn’t drive very much, and so this shiny golden beauty was confined to a garage – or a driveway, or a curb, I’m not really sure – for quite some time.

After surviving her long and lonely hibernation in the great Northwest, Janice somehow made her way down to Northern California.  There she had the privilege of chauffering around a young high school boy who recently had acquired a license to drive: Brad Kiley.  My husband’s youngest brother.  Unfortunately, Janice’s tenure in lovely Northern California came to a rather abrupt halt, and she was whisked away down the coast of the Golden State.

She soon found herself amidst the brakelights and smog of legendary Los Angeles, California.  There she met her new owner, Kevin Kiley, the eldest of my husband’s two younger brothers.  Kevin and Janice experienced adventures untold as they navigated the streets of Central LA during their time working with Teach For America.  Though Janice proved to be sturdy and reliable, she found herself saying goodbye to yet ANOTHER owner as this one galavanted off to the bustling streets of New York City.  There’s no room for a car like Janice in a city where parking is a figment of imagination and public transportation abounds.

Janice didn’t give up, though.  After a bit of a makeover, she presented herself to her new owners with the hopes that they would want to keep her around for a long, long time.

We did.  And that’s how we got Janice.

Even though she is nearly 12 years old, she has only 60,000 miles on her odometer and a few scratches on her rear bumper.  She seats five if you want to use your cupholders, six if you fold them under to create a hump seat in the front.  She drives like a boat, but turns on a dime.  She has automatic power windows, power seats, power locks, and cruise control – an upgrade from my old Hyundai Accent.  She has two tailpipes (because, who needs clean air, right?), a 17 gallon tank, and so many stereo buttons that I don’t think I’ll ever figure them out.  Oh yeah, and she’s got a tape deck.  Pretty sweet.

So, why Janice? you may ask.

Did you ever watch the show Friends?  If you did, you know Janice.  Janice is always around.  She keeps coming back.  She has character.  She never gets old, and she never ceases to arouse both awe and disdain in the people around her.  She’s been around the block, but in the end, she always winds up right next door.  She never.  goes.  away.

That’s Janice.

(Umm, now would be the time to turn down your volume.  She can get a little loud and – ohhhh, what’s the word I’m looking forrrr?  Annoying.  That’s it.)

My Janice has already managed to get us into trouble (parking ticket on her first night – don’t even get me started on how much I already loathed the City of Pasadena Parking Department before then…), but she will have a chance to redeem herself during our OT road trip in a few weeks.

So now you’ve met Janice.  And if she ever has the pleasure of chauffering you around for a day, be nice.  She’s just happy to be with friends.

On our anniversary.

Dear Brian,

Today marks the end of our 2nd year of marriage, and the beginning of what I pray will be many more years to come.

Of all the people in my life who I look up to, you are the one who inspires me the most to become a better person – a better listener, a better friend, a better student, a better disciple of Christ.  I never thought I would marry someone who would make me want to be more like him, simply because he wants to be more like God.  But I did.

You are amazing and inspiring, Brian Kiley, and every day I am reminded of how blessed I am to have you in my life.  I didn’t believe people when they would say, “I love my husband more now than the day that I married him.”  How is that possible?  But you know what?  I understand now.  Because each day we get together is another day that gets added to our history.  And the more history we create together, the greater love and respect I have for you.  You are a precious gift from God, and I am so thankful for you.

I don’t know where the next year will take us.  But I know that I want to continue to walk with you, to grow in faith with you by my side.  Thank you for overwhelming all the expectations that I had for what I thought marriage could be.

I love you.  Happy two year anniversary.

Love,

Christie

people-pleasing.

Here is a continuation of the mire thoughts through which I have been wading for the past several days.  Try and stay with me, because even though I am taking things to the extreme right now in my process of deciphering how I want to approach my future as a helping professional, I think these are important issues to work through no matter what field you are involved with.

Yesterday, I got hit over the head with this passage from Galatians 1:9-10:

As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed.  For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

I always thought of “trying to please man” instead of God as something that referred to being a “people-pleaser.”  Like, always doing things people asked you to, doing everything you could not to make people mad, or trying to do anything you could to make sure that people liked you.  I knew that extreme people-pleasing is bad because then you end up placing your self-worth in your ability to get people to like you by doing things for them, and we all know how that goes (or, at least, I do).

But I’m realizing that that’s not all there is to it.

I think that, in light of this passage, people-pleasing can also mean “trying to please or satisfy people with something other than God.”  I mean this in the sense of identity-formation, not in a sense like Oh, you’re hungry? Here’s a sandwich I was going to eat, but you can have it.  Go satisfy your hunger. Of course it’s fine to satisfy someone’s physical hunger with “something other than God.”  To not do that would be ignorant and wrong.  Or here’s another suggested definition which may sound a bit more dramatic.  People-pleasing is “seeking people’s approval by not offending them with your belief in God and his ability to bring satisfaction and meaning into people’s lives.”  Extreme?  Applicable?  When we seek to please people by trying to fill them with something other than God (like, Try this lifestyle, maybe it will bring meaning into your life and make you happy and satisfied apart from God.), I believe that’s a type of “different gospel” that the author of Galatians is trying to warn against.

Don’t get me wrong, helping people and meeting their physical needs is a great thing.  In fact, Jesus told us to do it when he walked the earth (one reference includes Matthew 25:34-46).  But simply “helping people” is not the end goal.  That’s not the gospel.  There’s more to it than that.  We love others and meet their physical needs because it’s an outpouring of the grace and love that God gave us, and because (as mentioned in my previous post) it will ultimately glorify him and point back to his love and greatness.  And so, if we as Christians are only helping people to “find meaning” in their lives so that they can feel satisfied with their identity as an end result, we’re missing the point.  We’re presenting a false gospel.

So what do we do with this?

As Christian people in a helping profession, there should more to our desire to help people in their physical and emotional needs.  We want to help people and bring meaning into their lives so that God can be glorified.

And as recipients of our help, we hope that they can know that there’s more to a joyful and satisfying life than just participating in personally meaningful activities.  There’s the saving grace of Jesus.

And so we perhaps need to rethink our ideas of people-pleasing and realize that the desire to meet people’s needs and help them live meaningful lives is not bad – it’s good – but that there’s more to it than simply that.  Because when it comes down to it, God is the one who can ultimately satisfy our desires for meaning and purpose.  And so if we only ever emphasize bringing meaning into people’s lives through “meaningful occupation,” we are preaching a false gospel, one that excludes Jesus.

But what does that really mean?  What does it look like?

Perhaps these suggestions seem extreme and outlandish.  But I think these are issues that I personally must work though in order to know exactly why it is that I am working in a helping profession such as occupational therapy.  It is not because of my desire to please people.  It is because I want the gospel to live through me as I help people who are struggling and, hopefully, it will all point back to God.

good advice. Good News.

“The gospel is not good advice.  It’s good news.”

This was one of Pastor Mark Brewer’s opening lines at our church this past Sunday, and while he has lots of good one-liners with which he likes to pepper his sermons on a regular basis, for me, this may have been the most profound of his that I have ever heard.  (If you read my previous post, then you know the epiphany that I have come to about my recent propensity to confuse occupational therapy values and moralism for the truth of the Gospel.  It’s embarrassing, really.)

This is good advice: Be altruistic. Treat people with equality.  Embrace people’s freedom.  Uphold justice.  Treat people with dignity.  Be truthful.  Act with prudence.  (All core values of occupational therapy practice.)

But this is the gospel:

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together in Christ…For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast”(Ephesians 2:4-5, 8-9).

That’s the gospel!  If we have been saved from the penalty of our sins through Jesus’ death on the cross, our existence better be about more than just taking good advice and living a good life!  It should be about living in response to the grace and love that God has shown us through the sacrifice of his Son – about living as children of God!  A visible part of that response includes living out what Colossians 3:12-14 describes as putting on “compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another…forgiving each other…And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”  Yes, the author (Paul) describes what some would call ‘good morals’ – similar to what is listed in the core values of OT – but that is not the whole story.  For as soon as Paul completes his list of what we as disciples of Christ are to “put on,” he immediately adds, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him”(Colossians 3:17).

So while part of our response to God’s grace includes living out these things, the entirety of our response should reflect the fact that we have been made to bring glory to our heavenly Father.  He loves us and showers us with grace.  He longs to have a relationship with us that will then spread to others and ultimately point back to him.

And so, while good advice is not a bad thing, it is not the gospel.  And I, in my desire to help people improve their quality of life by entering into the field of occupational therapy, need to continually be reminded of the fact that occupational therapy is good advice.  But Jesus is good news.

Moralism and Truth.

The other day, I had a conversation with my husband that blew me away.  It’s how I first realized that I was perhaps becoming a bit overzealous and misguided in my excitement of the good that occupational therapy can do for people.

Me: I love OT’s core values.  I mean, look at this!  (Reading from a published article)  Altruism – unselfish concern for the welfare of others. Equality – human rights and opportunities. Freedom – the rights to choice and independence. Justice – fairness, truthfulness, objectivity. Dignity – inherent worth and uniqueness of each person. Truth – faithful to facts and reality.  Prudence - the use of reason rather than unfair judgment.

Can you imagnine how amazing the world would be if everyone practiced the core values of occupational therapy?  It would be like we were living out the values of the Bible!

Brian: Yeah, but what’s the one thing that’s missing?

Me (after sarcastically suggesting ridiculous answers like ice cream or kettle corn):  Oh yeah.  Jesus.

Just then, it hit me.  It hit me hard.  How easily had I begun to drift away from what I believe?   Had I forgotten what it means to really be a follower of Christ?  I had become really excited to think about how much better of a place the world would be if everyone upheld the values of occupational therapy – and it didn’t even cross my mind that anything was missing from that picture.  I was embarrassed.  The Christian life is not simply about upholding moral values!  It is about living in response to the gospel!

Later that day, as I was flipping though the epistles, I stumbled across this passage, found in Colossians 2:6-8:

(6) Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, (7) rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.  (8) See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. [emphasis mine]

All I could hear as I was reading these words was STAY GROUNDED IN THE TRUTH!!! Don’t allow good morals to masquerade as TRUTH!

Oftentimes, as I have been attending my daily classes, I have hesitantly struggled to understand why I ‘need’ God right now when all I’m doing is sitting in lecture halls and reading textbooks (awful, I know).  But this passage reminded me that I must stay rooted in Christ through devotion to Scripture if I am to remain established in my faith, because even seemingly inocuous things such as lectures and textbooks can challenge it.

And so, as I continue to understand the role that my faith plays in the development of my future profession, I will be praying for discernment in my everyday comings and goings, and for accountability in my efforts to stay rooted in Christ.

More thoughts to come.

Occupation and Idolatry.

When I began studying psychology as an undergrad at UCLA, people told me, “Don’t let psychology cause you to lose your faith.”  I thought that was a silly thing to say, and after five years of psych classes, my faith was just fine, if not strengthened, by my knowledge of research related to the field.  My classes focused less on the “self-help” portions of the profession that seem to eek their way into pop psychology, and more on analyzing and interpreting statistical data gleaned from past and present psychology-related research.  We learned mostly about conditions that lend themselves to certain types of human and animal behavior.  Cut and dry.  It was fine.

Now that I am entering into the field of Occupational Therapy, though, I can see what people meant when they warned me not to let me classes change my faith.

This post should serve as an introduction to many issues that I am thinking through now that I have come to this certain realization.  So here it is.

In practice, occupational therapists work with people who have encountered some sort of difficulty in their lives and then help them to get on their feet and get back to the activities that are meaningful to them in their everyday lives.  In keeping with occupational therapy’s slogan, we help people “live life to the fullest.”

An inocuous description, right?  Admirable, even.

So, what’s wrong with helping people? you may ask.

Nothing.  It’s amazing.  It’s challenging.  It’s rewarding.

But here’s the thing I’m realizing.  As a Christian, my object of worship is to be God, and God alone.  And as a result of that worship, I am to love God.  I am to love Him so much that it overflows onto others, and I can’t help but pour His love into their lives.  He brings so much joy and meaning and satisfaction to my life, that I can’t help but share that with others so that they too can experience that joy and meaning and satisfaction.  And all of that is because I worship God.

As a Christian, I find my life’s joy, meaning, and satisfaction in God.

As an occupational therapist, I am supposed to help others find their life’s joy, meaning, and satisfaction in occupations that are meaningful to them.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Maybe this seems a little extreme.  But if idolatry means that I am worshipping something other than God, and I am encouraging people to find their life’s meaning in something other than God, what does that make me?

I first realized this when I noticed how much we talked about occupation as the means and end of our type of therapeutic intervention.  Occupation is everything.  Without occupation, how are we any different than physical therapists or social workers or counselors?  Occupation is what defines our profession, and as therapists, it is what we are always supposed to emphasize.  We must eat, sleep, and breathe occupation.  We must worship it.

Still seem extreme?

Of course, saying that we are supposed to “worship occupation” may be extreme, but is it really if you define what you worship as “the thing that holds the highest place in your life”?

And if I slip and begin to “worship” occupation – let it, or even the idea of it, hold the highest place in my life – how can I possibly do my job properly?  Because as I said before, my ability to love others comes from my worship of God.  And I can then help others because of my love for them.  So take away my worship of God, and what do I have?  An inability to properly love and care for others because it is not fueled by a love and devotion to God.  Sure, maybe I can use the research and evidence behind the use of occupation in therapy to help people improve their ability to dress themselves or to get back to tending their garden that they love so much.  But in the end, I have to be able to take a step back and reflect on the question, What exactly am I worshipping?

So the concept of occupation, if allowed to go unchecked, has the potential to do two things: 1) Become “God” in our clients’ lives, and 2) Replace “God” in my own life, thus detracting from my ability to really, truly love and help people in a way that is fueled by a supernatural love.  A love which sees beyond people’s shortcomings and allows me to look for and encourage their potential.  A love which is selfless and sacrificial, which considers the needs of others before my own.  And aren’t those all qualities that make a good occupational therapist?

So for the sake of both myself and my future clients, I am finding that this is a critical time for me to stay grounded in scripture, to be immersed in accountability, and to be reminded of what it is that I truly worship.  This is a time of discernment.

More thoughts to come.

Moving Forward.

Here is a (kind of) brief update that Brian wrote about where we’re at right now and what we’re up to now that the dust is settled in our new little home:

We officially moved to Pasadena from Oceanside in July. After three wonderful years in Oceanside, we are now settled in Pasadena. The end of my three-year job at our former church coincided with Christie getting accepted into the Occupational Therapy graduate program at USC, so we decided to move to Pasadena. We live about one mile from Fuller Seminary, where I am finishing up my master’s degree. While it was hard to leave Oceanside, we were able to leave with many fond memories, and many relationships that I know will last a long time. We miss our friends and our church family terribly, but we are loving our new environment in Pasadena.

Our new living arrangement. We are living in an apartment that is part of a Fuller-sponsored intentional community called Allelous. What does that mean exactly? It means we have our own very ordinary one-bedroom apartment, but that our complex also has a common area where we all eat dinner together four nights per week (twice a week during the summer). We each help cook and clean on one night per week, and on other nights we show up and eat with a bunch of friends. The arrangement allows us to have our own space, but also provides an opportunity for community and fellowship. We’ve met some great people, and are really enjoying being a part of the community.

Our new school arrangement. Christie started O.T. school in June, and just last week she started her Fall semester. She got a 4.0 G.P.A. this summer, and she really enjoyed her classes. Her program runs for two and a half years. School has been challenging but manageable for her so far, and I have been very proud of the dedication she has shown to her school work. It is becoming more and more evident with each passing day that this is the field God has called her into, and it is a great joy for me to be able to support her in her education. After taking classes on a part-time basis for three years, I am now a full-time student at Fuller, and I hope to finish this Spring. This summer I took an Old Testament class, and I also took an intensive Hebrew class (where two classes worth of material was crammed into one quarter). While Hebrew has certainly been challenging, I am finding seminary in general to be much easier because I can now devote more time to it. There is a chance I may enroll in an additional one-year degree program after I finish this degree (so that we can keep our Fuller housing until Christie is done with school) but is only a remote possibility at this point.

Our new work arrangement. I recently got a job working at Fuller as the editor of the campus newspaper, the SEMI. It has been several years since I have been actively involved in the publishing world, and I am really enjoying it so far. The paper goes to press weekly, and it’s only a part-time 20 hr./week job, so it is very manageable. I look forward to a great year of writing, editing, and being involved in the activities of the campus. I miss church work terribly, so I am keeping my eyes open for potential opportunities to get back involved in that arena as well. In the mean time I am reading a lot of books and listening to a lot of sermons so that I can keep up my ministry skills as best I can. Christie just recently got a very part-time job coaching gymnastics at a local gym that she is excited about. She will be teaching classes for kids aged 18 months- 3 years, and she starts in a few weeks.

Our new church arrangement. We are back attending Bel Air Presbyterian Church, the church we both attended for most of our time in college in L.A. We have been attending the Young Marrieds group on Sunday morning, and we just got plugged in to a great small group with a few other young couples. I taught a training seminar last Sunday for people who want to mentor college students, and Christie and I both look forward to continuing to volunteer with the college ministry for as long as we’re at Bel Air.

A few summer highlights. In July New Song invited me to be a guest speaker for the weekend, so we got to see our Oceanside friends. We’ve attended the weddings of many dear friends, including one that had Joe and Josephine Bruin on the reception guest list. We went on a three night cruise to Mexico, which was a lot of fun aside from the fact that Christie was ill for part of it. We’ve had a lot of fun exploring the Los Angeles area (Christie was especially excited about our discovery of the Father of the Bride house).

What else? As I mentioned, we are really enjoying our new place in life. Our new schedules are affording us more free time than we are used to (we had virtually none for the first year and a half of our marriage), which has translated to us enjoying being married more than we ever have. Pasadena is a wonderful city with all sorts of great sites to see, and it has been a lot of fun to explore. We have been blessed to be able to re-connect with college friends who are still in the Los Angeles area, and as I mentioned we have met some great people at Fuller. We miss Seven24, the college and young adult group that I used to pastor, a great deal, but we have both been very pleased (and not at all surprised) to hear reports of how well the group has been going since our departure. It sounds like the student leaders have really stepped up and done a great job. I knew they would.

It is funny to think about how different our lives are now than they were just a few short months ago, but we are immensely grateful for the opportunities and challenges that this chapter of our lives is presenting to us. So there you have it, a brief update on us. We’ve had the privilege of having a few people come visit us so far, and we sure have enjoyed it, so if you ever want to come and visit Pasadena, let us know.

Professional Development

In the interest of professional development (and, well, personal interest), I have developed another blog devoted specifically to issues related to Occupational Therapy.

It’s called Occupational Therapy: Scientific Understanding. Artful Practice.

The link is http://OTjourney.wordpress.com.

I wanted to create a space in which I could write about and expand upon topics that I am being exposed to in my Occupational Therapy program, and I wanted that space to exist separately from my personal affairs (though I know that my personal life has already become invaded by the OT way of thinking).  Some posts on this new site may be strictly academic or technical.  Others more philosophical or personal.  But they will all reflect the journey upon which I have committed myself to, the journey of becoming an Occupational Therapist – one who will use my talents and giftings to help people realize their potential, and live life to its fullest.

I would love it if you would take just a few seconds to click on the link above, browse through it, and give me some feedback.  I want it to be “OT” enough that it’s applicable to other students and therapists, but also “real life” enough that it’s interesting to those who aren’t involved in the field.

I look forward to having you join me on this journey!